Germany made me fat

 

 

You probably landed her via Youtube! Hey y’all and thanks for stopping by. I decided (after a very long blogging break) that I would make a blogpost for this topic because it’s deserves a little more than a 14 minute rant on Youtube. I will hopefully not make it too long BUT we all know I like to rant and sometimes get carried away.

I know some of y’all watched the video and were/are thinking “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HAYLEY”. Just hear me out before you start throwing stones. I have been dealing with my “weight” for awhile. I have gone through so many different stages of “body love” and I feel it’s something I can talk about because I have been through it all. At this current stage in my life (after having surgery to remove my cysts and taking birth control/hormone pills) I feel my body is as “natural” as it’s ever going to be.

In the USA the fitness/booty craze is taking over. I mean we all know the song “I like big butts and I can not lie”. The ridiculous amount of plastic surgery (Brazilian butt lifts, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tucks, botox, etc etc) in the USA makes it very clear to see what “sexy” is in the USA. Growing up around this mentality can be very hindering for a young girl and since living in Germany and coming back home I realize how bad this mentality really is BUT that does not mean Germany is perfect and gets no criticism.

I came to Germany in 2010 to visit and I remember at the time there were no “curvy” people. I honestly could not get over how many “thin” people there were in this small country. I knew it had to do with German people being more active and the infrastructure, healthy food, and many other factors BUT STILL… THERE WERE A BUNCH OF THIN PEOPLE. I went shopping at a store (h&m *cough cough*) and decided to look for basic jeans because after arriving in Germany for the first time, I realized my bootcut jeans were not in style. After looking high and low for “skinny” “slim cut” or even “boyfriend cut” jeans in my size, I came across 1 pair of jeans (out of about 20 that I tried on) that actually fit like a glove. Now granted shopping for jeans is nowhere near easy in the USA and it’s difficult no matter where you are in the world BUT I have never experienced going into a mainstream store and not being able to find at least 4 pair of jeans that fit me “good”.

I mean coming from the USA (as I stated in the video) I was around women who were loved for their curves, loved for their big butts, their thick thighs and everything else… I had this idea that everyone must think the same way. Now granted I do not think that your body really defines 100% how people see you. I mean I have experienced knowing someone and at first seeing them thinking “ehhh not that cute” and then getting to know who they were as a person and seeing them as one of the sexiest people in the world. Of course weight is a superficial aspect BUT it is a very huge market. I mean anything that is lucrative is a big deal. And we can all be honest that aesthetically pleasing is something we all notice, even if we do not want to.

I realized that what was sexy in one location wasn’t necessarily sexy in another. I noticed in tv talk shows or magazines that the girls looked nothing like me…. They looked like toothpicks (I am sorry if you are thin. I am not saying anything bad about you I am just stating how I felt). I started noticing in the German social media community that there was always someone talking about “diet pills” “losing weight” “no carbs” “dünn sein” and that I would overhear girls talking about not eating or instead of eating something they would rather drink a coffee or smoke a cigarette. I would go out with girls and while I got a burger with fries… Someone would get a salad or talk about not being able to eat what I was eating because they didnt want to gain weight or they were too fat and they were 2 sizes smaller than me.

Europe is the fashion capital of the world (Italy/France take the cake but Europe in general is very fashionable) and what is sold as “high” fashion is not sold to the mass public of “fatter” (fatter meaning anything over a size 38/40) people. I understood to an extent that ok “this is where I am, this is how they live. I should not judge” but after continuously hearing about my weight or someone else complaining about their weight I couldn’t help but realize I was surrounded by YET ANOTHER superficial obsession of “beauty standards” but this time I was no longer “ideal”. I would never NOT eat to lose weight (I LOVE FOOD) but there were times where I would second guess not eating a cookie because I was afraid to be judged or afraid to eat carbs because someone might say the reason I am “fat” was because of what I ate. I never considered myself fat, never actually considered my eating habits bad (I might be a little generous and nice to myself… My eating habits can sometimes be shit) but since living in Germany, I sometimes feel inadequate or judged by my outer shell.

I feel like women get so much shit in society. There are so many roles that women have to fill in order to be “good” (I mean why aren’t men attacked for losing weight? Why aren’t their “men” diet pills?) and as much as I would have liked to ignore everything that was being thrown at me by German society… It’s just not possible. I was confused because a nation like Germany, that fights so hard for women’s rights and gender equality had such a dark problem in regards to the younger generation and eating disorders and body shaming. Why was it that in the USA I felt more comfortable in my own skin than I did in Germany? I mean, I am not obese and I didn’t think I was overweight… Where was the problem? Why was I experiencing self doubt or had this internal thought that I wasn’t woman enough?

I guess sometimes I have a soft spot for certain topics and I feel like this one is such an important topic because it’s not specific to a certain person… It affects everyone and a lot of people are dealing with bad body image/acceptance… Not feeling comfortable in your own skin or being judge on how your body looks are societal standards that we have to break no matter where we are. I hope that one day it will get better, I know I have matured in so many ways when it comes to body acceptance and  I hope it only goes up from here. I am sending all of you girls that are dealing with the same problem a bunch of love! If you do however want to watch the video and didn’t get here from my Youtube channel click HERE .

I love you guys so much and just know you are sexy no matter what size you are no matter what a country’s beauty standards are!!! ❤

Hayley

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